there is always doubt
before a chosen death
a plan well rehearsed
take in deep breaths
stood here time before
the rope is rough
like the loneliness
just have to be tough
enough to jump now
let go of the world
bye i think i want
to change my mind
legs dangle it's OK
this same feeling
for all my life
i can finally relax
let go but to where?
then i saw the angels
fled one who cried
looked like my mother
demons in every shape
of every hurt of
all pain of my life
dancing the death
unable to let go
this same feeling
for all my afterlife
i'm hanging help!
Something to look forward to
It has been five years and five days
Since you slipped away
For me it is just like yesterday
Because for the first time
I left behind the anger of it all
Now I'm just left with sorrow
Chorus: But it's OK
'Cause I know fate
And you'll be on the other side
Just waiting to tell me everything's alright
And all that pain don't exist here
We were always on the outside
Trying to get in
Poor kids
Ain't so pretty
But we did what needed
Acted sometimes like things we ain't
Chorus x1
My soul so ugly
I'm a sinner
My hurt comes out in song
Sorry for hurting ya
I got hurt pretty bad myself
Still you never did me no wrong
Chorus x2
Since you slipped away
For me it is just like yesterday
Because for the first time
I left behind the anger of it all
Now I'm just left with sorrow
Chorus: But it's OK
'Cause I know fate
And you'll be on the other side
Just waiting to tell me everything's alright
And all that pain don't exist here
We were always on the outside
Trying to get in
Poor kids
Ain't so pretty
But we did what needed
Acted sometimes like things we ain't
Chorus x1
My soul so ugly
I'm a sinner
My hurt comes out in song
Sorry for hurting ya
I got hurt pretty bad myself
Still you never did me no wrong
Chorus x2
Empty
we were scared
children of this city
in an age
where childhood ended
we met in class
found our way across town
on the bus bound
to the cemetery
where we visited
our dead baby
this plot is empty
but her fate's the same
she will visit us
lingering
in remembered dream
all is not as it seems
there is no blame
a child can assign
her soul freed
it is ours now we must find
children of this city
in an age
where childhood ended
we met in class
found our way across town
on the bus bound
to the cemetery
where we visited
our dead baby
this plot is empty
but her fate's the same
she will visit us
lingering
in remembered dream
all is not as it seems
there is no blame
a child can assign
her soul freed
it is ours now we must find
Do you like my face?
Growing this distant
from you
seemed far off
when I was a mere child
and you were just a thought
running through the forest
I stop
this far away
I give my heart
to the trees and they watch
carrying me in light away
I died
with no one by my side
just thoughts of you
to carry me across the divide
I've never forgotten you
in life
it lasted quite long
without you
and now I'm happy here.
from you
seemed far off
when I was a mere child
and you were just a thought
running through the forest
I stop
this far away
I give my heart
to the trees and they watch
carrying me in light away
I died
with no one by my side
just thoughts of you
to carry me across the divide
I've never forgotten you
in life
it lasted quite long
without you
and now I'm happy here.
Silke
It's hard to imagine
the rest of this life
not knowing of your grace.
Part of me is in the grave
and I'll forever grieve
while a rest forever lives
to regret mistakes.
Back then
fought so hard not to lose you
when you were already mine.
Still fighting
but you've been gone now
for quite some time.
Finally
I honestly cried
just for the loss of you
without panic and its fire
without fear of losing you
for all of it has come true.
Haunted by hurting your
heart. It was unconditional
golden light that loved
without knowing another thing.
You gave yourself
with a rose's purity
when pierced by my thorn
protecting me from your own
your greatest concern.
I'll always need your love
I'll have to live without
guess this is what growing old
is also about.
the rest of this life
not knowing of your grace.
Part of me is in the grave
and I'll forever grieve
while a rest forever lives
to regret mistakes.
Back then
fought so hard not to lose you
when you were already mine.
Still fighting
but you've been gone now
for quite some time.
Finally
I honestly cried
just for the loss of you
without panic and its fire
without fear of losing you
for all of it has come true.
Haunted by hurting your
heart. It was unconditional
golden light that loved
without knowing another thing.
You gave yourself
with a rose's purity
when pierced by my thorn
protecting me from your own
your greatest concern.
I'll always need your love
I'll have to live without
guess this is what growing old
is also about.
Catch me
I'm falling
have been for so long.
Now I can see the ground getting closer
and I'm thinking I'm ready to land.
I'm smiling
'cause I can see you.
Never thought we'd be this close again
no longer in some far away land.
Tired wing
no longer with a will
to fight against cloud and wind
take me to ground I'm ready to land.
So I sing
this close and ready to crash
grateful that it'll be near you
not in some far away distant land.
have been for so long.
Now I can see the ground getting closer
and I'm thinking I'm ready to land.
I'm smiling
'cause I can see you.
Never thought we'd be this close again
no longer in some far away land.
Tired wing
no longer with a will
to fight against cloud and wind
take me to ground I'm ready to land.
So I sing
this close and ready to crash
grateful that it'll be near you
not in some far away distant land.
Just practicing
Swords are inside me
clashing
metal against memory
now I see the value
of winners and losers
clashing
their swords inside me.
The sky has failed me
yet again
I am clouds
when it is sunshine
slowly destroying me
yet again
I have failed myself.
Words are meaningless
we hide
our true feelings
behind meaningless phrases
and stupid labels
we hide
behind meaningless words.
clashing
metal against memory
now I see the value
of winners and losers
clashing
their swords inside me.
The sky has failed me
yet again
I am clouds
when it is sunshine
slowly destroying me
yet again
I have failed myself.
Words are meaningless
we hide
our true feelings
behind meaningless phrases
and stupid labels
we hide
behind meaningless words.
A Roadside Memorial
Three miles down the road
where you died so long ago
I whisper all my secrets
to your soul on a telephone pole.
Could not stay in between
the white lines, driving
seventy blown out your mind,
never to see seventeen.
I loved you as much as
my teenage self could.
I seen your darkness
it is of many colors
and I seen your light
there is but one.
On that night we first met
in your dad's stolen car
we did not get very far
and I could tell
you would never stop running
away. We argued on the phone
you wanted to control me
and I never really left
your side by this cross
on the side of the road.
† † † † † † † † † † † † † †
where you died so long ago
I whisper all my secrets
to your soul on a telephone pole.
Could not stay in between
the white lines, driving
seventy blown out your mind,
never to see seventeen.
I loved you as much as
my teenage self could.
I seen your darkness
it is of many colors
and I seen your light
there is but one.
On that night we first met
in your dad's stolen car
we did not get very far
and I could tell
you would never stop running
away. We argued on the phone
you wanted to control me
and I never really left
your side by this cross
on the side of the road.
† † † † † † † † † † † † † †
Could it be any other way?
Worry not if these moments
should somehow feel more special
your heart is cold how can it know?
Accept what is that in time all grows.
Light music, night traffic, whirring fan
sink into them quietly with your hair in my hand
inside I danced
under the new moon how can you know?
We were just children
the last time we felt this close.
Glowing computer screen held these words
as you shone serene
sighing in your sleep and in this moment
I knew everything was perfect.
It was the small moments like this
I have desperately waited for like rain
and now that they are here
I will never let them go
until the day we return to the stars
on the other side of space and time
where each other we will find.
should somehow feel more special
your heart is cold how can it know?
Accept what is that in time all grows.
Light music, night traffic, whirring fan
sink into them quietly with your hair in my hand
inside I danced
under the new moon how can you know?
We were just children
the last time we felt this close.
Glowing computer screen held these words
as you shone serene
sighing in your sleep and in this moment
I knew everything was perfect.
It was the small moments like this
I have desperately waited for like rain
and now that they are here
I will never let them go
until the day we return to the stars
on the other side of space and time
where each other we will find.
Looking out the window
there are dead crows on the lawn
curious children poked with sticks.
Someone scolded them about disease.
An old man said, "It's a sign,"
his wife's eyes hinted at disbelief
even if she needed one the most.
A small girl had not moved from
the middle of the grass. Disbelief
fell in snow-flaked silken tears.
Someone went towards her but
the old man's hand reached
out towards their arm.
Cupped in tiny fingers
a miracle began and chirped
as one by one each bird flew away.
curious children poked with sticks.
Someone scolded them about disease.
An old man said, "It's a sign,"
his wife's eyes hinted at disbelief
even if she needed one the most.
A small girl had not moved from
the middle of the grass. Disbelief
fell in snow-flaked silken tears.
Someone went towards her but
the old man's hand reached
out towards their arm.
Cupped in tiny fingers
a miracle began and chirped
as one by one each bird flew away.
Please, calm down hunny.
Can't you see my love is as gentle as this breath of air.
If you won't be calm enough to listen you might miss it
and your flames are robbing me of all my oxygen.
The same breath of air is as powerful as life.
Don't turn your back there is so much more
in my soft touch if you will just let it.
Your hands don't hit me neither do they love.
Your heart is only lost but one day you'll see onshore
this lamp that burns 'til your ship finds it way back to me.
Then you'll feel my love with every breath of air.
See that when two hands come together they make wings
that will lift you above every dark thing.
If you won't be calm enough to listen you might miss it
and your flames are robbing me of all my oxygen.
The same breath of air is as powerful as life.
Don't turn your back there is so much more
in my soft touch if you will just let it.
Your hands don't hit me neither do they love.
Your heart is only lost but one day you'll see onshore
this lamp that burns 'til your ship finds it way back to me.
Then you'll feel my love with every breath of air.
See that when two hands come together they make wings
that will lift you above every dark thing.
Inspired by the Joust
I.
At the round table every lord equal
nobility and honor our valorous ideals
both before love and lady victory alike.
"Not I!" Not this knight who's forsaken seal.
Only pledge is to self and desire.
My vows are secret hidden among men.
I wear a badge of chivalry for power.
If to advantage I'll betray kith and kin.
If not I shall be loyal to all
if all remains serving my purpose.
Left-handed treachery, skulduggery employed
to take the fair lady and all royal purses.
Among the bandits and whores
I stayed chiefly in the latter.
Raising rebels blessed by sorcery
all enchanted, arrow to scaling ladder.
Under the dark moon we made assault.
To attack the castle we filled in the moat
swell with bodies of the king's realmsmen
here is your duke, your count, and your pope.
The battering rams crashed open walls
as the trooping men crashed open maidens.
Old ones trampled and children were taken.
Soon our pockets will be silver and gold laden.
II.
Red cord in a window below the spire.
A princess herself behind vile treachery.
She crosses a leg looking down her nails calmly
while death resounds a dance down her own gallery.
On her balcony messenger doves released;
outside her door palace guard fall in turn.
Sorrow on painted face not a single tear true
in bridal lace awaiting arrival of her new sovereign.
The rebel lord appeared in her chambers
embracing their secret compact now unveiled.
But her kiss poisoned and in her skirt hidden daggers
proclaiming to the fallen knight how his plan had failed.
"I have been under terror of a tyrant
do not be foolish to think I'd suffer yet another?"
With false steps from her craft he lunged in sudden rage.
Dodging to the side she poked him deftly with twin daggers.
"By tonight I shall seduce your captains
with that I allow you to die before your queen.
By this time tomorrow cousins from across the sea
shall set on land to seek out every last of your fiends."
Then a noble son appeared at her door
our princess ran right into his arms quickly.
They said goodbye on his return they would marry
then she let him out from her window to escape safely.
III.
A rebel captain risen in rank
ravaged queen on four poster bed.
Her only thought of contacting the cunning lady
at first crow for tea of removing this impurity instead.
Within the hall of the keep
a perversion of royal coronation
commenced. A recreant is crowned king
as his new queen plots the welcomed invasion.
The host content in their work.
Every noble defender's head on a pike.
They began the feast with only the dead
to stand watch on the tower. Such horrendous sight
began to unfold as they dined.
Serving girls preferred over the main course
in the positions wine forms in the minds of men
which turned queen into whore in her very own court.
Hope abandoned so little protest
soft cries now heard until our queen
made the sign and her ladies sealed the doors
the rebel host left to die alone to only their screams.
Distant cousins come to see the keep in flames
with a future king who greets his queen with a kiss
and as our story ends never try to quite forget that
if you plan to capture a castle beware of the plotting princess.
At the round table every lord equal
nobility and honor our valorous ideals
both before love and lady victory alike.
"Not I!" Not this knight who's forsaken seal.
Only pledge is to self and desire.
My vows are secret hidden among men.
I wear a badge of chivalry for power.
If to advantage I'll betray kith and kin.
If not I shall be loyal to all
if all remains serving my purpose.
Left-handed treachery, skulduggery employed
to take the fair lady and all royal purses.
Among the bandits and whores
I stayed chiefly in the latter.
Raising rebels blessed by sorcery
all enchanted, arrow to scaling ladder.
Under the dark moon we made assault.
To attack the castle we filled in the moat
swell with bodies of the king's realmsmen
here is your duke, your count, and your pope.
The battering rams crashed open walls
as the trooping men crashed open maidens.
Old ones trampled and children were taken.
Soon our pockets will be silver and gold laden.
II.
Red cord in a window below the spire.
A princess herself behind vile treachery.
She crosses a leg looking down her nails calmly
while death resounds a dance down her own gallery.
On her balcony messenger doves released;
outside her door palace guard fall in turn.
Sorrow on painted face not a single tear true
in bridal lace awaiting arrival of her new sovereign.
The rebel lord appeared in her chambers
embracing their secret compact now unveiled.
But her kiss poisoned and in her skirt hidden daggers
proclaiming to the fallen knight how his plan had failed.
"I have been under terror of a tyrant
do not be foolish to think I'd suffer yet another?"
With false steps from her craft he lunged in sudden rage.
Dodging to the side she poked him deftly with twin daggers.
"By tonight I shall seduce your captains
with that I allow you to die before your queen.
By this time tomorrow cousins from across the sea
shall set on land to seek out every last of your fiends."
Then a noble son appeared at her door
our princess ran right into his arms quickly.
They said goodbye on his return they would marry
then she let him out from her window to escape safely.
III.
A rebel captain risen in rank
ravaged queen on four poster bed.
Her only thought of contacting the cunning lady
at first crow for tea of removing this impurity instead.
Within the hall of the keep
a perversion of royal coronation
commenced. A recreant is crowned king
as his new queen plots the welcomed invasion.
The host content in their work.
Every noble defender's head on a pike.
They began the feast with only the dead
to stand watch on the tower. Such horrendous sight
began to unfold as they dined.
Serving girls preferred over the main course
in the positions wine forms in the minds of men
which turned queen into whore in her very own court.
Hope abandoned so little protest
soft cries now heard until our queen
made the sign and her ladies sealed the doors
the rebel host left to die alone to only their screams.
Distant cousins come to see the keep in flames
with a future king who greets his queen with a kiss
and as our story ends never try to quite forget that
if you plan to capture a castle beware of the plotting princess.
Bonnie and Died
This is the crazy life
Fast guns, fast lives
Nineteen thirty-two
With just a small crew
Held up a bank in Nevada
Money was a whole lot’a
More than cards at casino
I shot two men in Reno
Yeah to watch them die
Look at me now I’m so high
Could care less about the cash
My blood pumps in the mad dash
Public enemy number none
I’m not the only one on the run
Even if the cops catch me
In mind I’ll still be running
But not this time, I’ll be gunning
This is the other side
Fast guns, we all died
Nineteen thirty-through
Me against the world and you
When I got to the gates
Peter started to hate
So I pulled out the Tommy
Still hell appeared all around me
So I still started to fire
Satan had that crown I desired
Got a few demons then cast out
This violence is what I’m all about
So my spirit wanders the earth
The mark of Cain of the cursed
Whisper to mortals a desire to violence
Thirteen, Fourteen, People, and Folk
Kill in my name and send me your ghosts
Fast guns, fast lives
Nineteen thirty-two
With just a small crew
Held up a bank in Nevada
Money was a whole lot’a
More than cards at casino
I shot two men in Reno
Yeah to watch them die
Look at me now I’m so high
Could care less about the cash
My blood pumps in the mad dash
Public enemy number none
I’m not the only one on the run
Even if the cops catch me
In mind I’ll still be running
But not this time, I’ll be gunning
This is the other side
Fast guns, we all died
Nineteen thirty-through
Me against the world and you
When I got to the gates
Peter started to hate
So I pulled out the Tommy
Still hell appeared all around me
So I still started to fire
Satan had that crown I desired
Got a few demons then cast out
This violence is what I’m all about
So my spirit wanders the earth
The mark of Cain of the cursed
Whisper to mortals a desire to violence
Thirteen, Fourteen, People, and Folk
Kill in my name and send me your ghosts
It is around three in the morning and
the pavement and concrete outside
are covered in shiny wetness
and even if I feel rather old
the world appears newly born.
The fog are a million tiny dancers
gathering around each street lamp
and the lights are all fighting
to illuminate the sparkling ground
no matter that each one wears a halo.
The shadows appear a shade less dim
and all the stars are hiding tonight
amidst the lords and ladies of the midst.
I close my eyes and feel their kiss
and wonder if I breathe enough fog in
will it too hide and drown my sorrows
or help me in wanting to wake up tomorrow.
are covered in shiny wetness
and even if I feel rather old
the world appears newly born.
The fog are a million tiny dancers
gathering around each street lamp
and the lights are all fighting
to illuminate the sparkling ground
no matter that each one wears a halo.
The shadows appear a shade less dim
and all the stars are hiding tonight
amidst the lords and ladies of the midst.
I close my eyes and feel their kiss
and wonder if I breathe enough fog in
will it too hide and drown my sorrows
or help me in wanting to wake up tomorrow.
Conversations with Selene on the Theory of Intransparency
For so long I’ve tried escaping your memory
You lead a wild hunt that made me its quarry
In just the few seconds that wind rushed by
Outside my window singing a lullaby
And I'm caught up again for the night
Broken heart scattered among earth lights
Embraced by celestial moon before dawn’s pass
Studying fragile moonbeams on blades of grass
To Her Serene Selenity I did trust and confess
Asking her how to get rid of this loneliness
She asked what I’d put in that empty place instead
Then upon the new moon I'd break out the egg
Suddenly understanding like moonrise at midnight
Descended upon me like a dying man’s last sight
That I've lost my way to connect with loved one's
Even though I've always been a favorite son
Now to figure out this thing called family
Is what the Universe has been trying to tell me
You lead a wild hunt that made me its quarry
In just the few seconds that wind rushed by
Outside my window singing a lullaby
And I'm caught up again for the night
Broken heart scattered among earth lights
Embraced by celestial moon before dawn’s pass
Studying fragile moonbeams on blades of grass
To Her Serene Selenity I did trust and confess
Asking her how to get rid of this loneliness
She asked what I’d put in that empty place instead
Then upon the new moon I'd break out the egg
Suddenly understanding like moonrise at midnight
Descended upon me like a dying man’s last sight
That I've lost my way to connect with loved one's
Even though I've always been a favorite son
Now to figure out this thing called family
Is what the Universe has been trying to tell me
On the flight of fallen leaves and other circumstances
Casting aside old ways when it makes sense
Are times I learn Wisdom that changes me
As the tree so painful and lovely its loss of leaves
A gentle fall before rebirth; we're buried quite deep
In a moment an ear of corn in silence reaped
A sudden wind through leaves gently speaks
Like soft cries at the funeral of Persephone
Let's hold hands and dance in endless circle
All that takes place under the harvest Moon
Glowing bright coming closer nearer land
Guiding light before coming of winter’s night
I sing among endless stars in your company
Some stay inside when the veil’s the thinnest
Others on faith care take loved one's graves
A few will wander far and a few will wander lost
Taking flight and form at the cauldron of Ceridwen
Are times I learn Wisdom that changes me
As the tree so painful and lovely its loss of leaves
A gentle fall before rebirth; we're buried quite deep
In a moment an ear of corn in silence reaped
A sudden wind through leaves gently speaks
Like soft cries at the funeral of Persephone
Let's hold hands and dance in endless circle
All that takes place under the harvest Moon
Glowing bright coming closer nearer land
Guiding light before coming of winter’s night
I sing among endless stars in your company
Some stay inside when the veil’s the thinnest
Others on faith care take loved one's graves
A few will wander far and a few will wander lost
Taking flight and form at the cauldron of Ceridwen
Rose of Sharon
My lovely rose of Sharon; the lily of the valley. I will always cast my tent next to yours. We will share the same sky and stars until the day one of us crosses and I will wait by the fountain, wind, and shadow until I then see you again.
It is not enough to see the stars but to become them and for that we must close our eyes deeply. All the world under the stars travels at its own pace and we can only choose which direction but not the speed as we sail across all of time and space.
I find my life in your eyes and purpose when I hold you deeply in my arms or our fingers entwine. I accept you exactly as you are for you are my whole world. My rabbit running across the sky. My conch shell; all that I hear when I hold you up to my ear is sacred.
It is not enough to see the stars but to become them and for that we must close our eyes deeply. All the world under the stars travels at its own pace and we can only choose which direction but not the speed as we sail across all of time and space.
I find my life in your eyes and purpose when I hold you deeply in my arms or our fingers entwine. I accept you exactly as you are for you are my whole world. My rabbit running across the sky. My conch shell; all that I hear when I hold you up to my ear is sacred.
Sailors, explorers, soldiers, and sons
his story began long ago
when he told his lovely wife
that it was time for him to go
off to sea, off to make a life
there was none to be had around here
i'll return when i can and send silver often
off to explore the unknown land dear
pray for me that nothing awful happens
i'll send for you to come to our new home
off to the war for duty and nation
do not forget about me when i am gone
i'll e-mail and call so much is going on hun
and if i should never return
just remember i did it all for you
to have the best life you possibly can
i never wanted to leave you
somepart of me shall always remain
goodbye sailors, explorers, soldiers, and sons
i pray for your safe return...
when he told his lovely wife
that it was time for him to go
off to sea, off to make a life
there was none to be had around here
i'll return when i can and send silver often
off to explore the unknown land dear
pray for me that nothing awful happens
i'll send for you to come to our new home
off to the war for duty and nation
do not forget about me when i am gone
i'll e-mail and call so much is going on hun
and if i should never return
just remember i did it all for you
to have the best life you possibly can
i never wanted to leave you
somepart of me shall always remain
goodbye sailors, explorers, soldiers, and sons
i pray for your safe return...
Making the flowers come true
"god is everywhere!"
the sage once said
others looked everywhere
except within themselves
"the devil has come!"
the pastor bestowed
others looked at others
but never at themselves
i see god shining in you
i see ten thousand of his angels
everyday making flowers come true
why does god hate
everyone we hate
no longer in god's image
we made god into ours
i find myself
all alone again
but i find myself
when i look at you
i see god shining in you
i see ten thousand of his angels
everyday making flowers come true
the sage once said
others looked everywhere
except within themselves
"the devil has come!"
the pastor bestowed
others looked at others
but never at themselves
i see god shining in you
i see ten thousand of his angels
everyday making flowers come true
why does god hate
everyone we hate
no longer in god's image
we made god into ours
i find myself
all alone again
but i find myself
when i look at you
i see god shining in you
i see ten thousand of his angels
everyday making flowers come true
Almas Gemelas
mommy i'm in love with a ghost
you don't know her
she lived here so long ago
she stayed in my room
slept under this same window
she will return soon
staring 'to the night sky
through the trees
we will reach the stars
her clothes are kind of old
she says the oddest of words
but most of all we're twin souls
she understands my head
touches deeply into my heart
but mommy i think i am also dead
you don't know her
she lived here so long ago
she stayed in my room
slept under this same window
she will return soon
staring 'to the night sky
through the trees
we will reach the stars
her clothes are kind of old
she says the oddest of words
but most of all we're twin souls
she understands my head
touches deeply into my heart
but mommy i think i am also dead
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