A True Romance

i flicked my last cigarette today
take deep breaths (do not forget to exhale)
we all picked our parts for this play
denial says all is well that ends well

situations remain unresolved
we know better even if we settle on the routine
hello, i am so glad you called
k goodbye, but secretly i want to say other things

i have written them on paper
small things i like but mostly that i love you
i'll shred this all up later
every promise made and every heart i ever drew

the true romance is in my head
wonderful scenes where you are the star
where such pretty things are said
the true romance seems so very, very far

jesus died to save the world
i just want to die to save myself
all twisted with my heart swirl
you won't read this my call for help

i never knew a place could be so dark
as the one i have found myself within
i would not wish this on the darkest heart
utterly destroyed (my very own dresden or berlin)

remember when you told me
you wanted to get to truly know me
you might not know but you saved me
i love the light within you baby

the true romance is in my head
wonderful scenes where you are the star
where such pretty things are said
the true romance after all these years is finally ours

Your Dying Wish

dear diary

this is all rather ordinary
boy meets girl she rocks his world
fast forward a few months later

it ended it would have eventually
boy moved way too fast she moved on past
so he decided he would just take her

when had this love become so necessary?
infecting my thoughts, i am so caught
between loving and hating so please make it stop

i want more than your body
i need your soul
i want more than consent
i need control

boy drowns in misery where he can't be seen
a killer in the background wearing a mask
in the final scene of a tragic scream queen

now she is tied up in my closet
oh god
i think i have finally lost it

you have seven seconds to marry me
before a bullet ends the romance
in the hereafter you will see

we were meant to be,
your dying wish

My Existential Crisis

Something is missing within me,
I'm on a quest to find myself.
A different dimension or another world?
Am I human or something else?
Either way I never quite fit in,
Contrary to all outward appearances.
No one has ever known the true me,
Relationships a minor coincidence.

I know there is a me on the other side,
So just like me but also very happy.
Can we cross the stars through suicide?
To our happy selves on the other side? (Of this galaxy?)
And as I sit and observe my other self,
Realization setting in while reflecting within,
My so called life has taken all my mental health,
So is it suicide to kill myself after I've already died?

Now I find myself all alone once again
Never learned to be a good friend,
Mostly to my self my own worst enemy,
But we can all be winners only if we all pretend.
Happiness never could be bought in a latest model
And chemicals will only serve to starve the soul,
So return to sender now that I'm dead! (Where shall i go?)
Angels if you fly in your wings envelop and enfold.

Angels if you fly in this land
take me in your wings
envelop and enfold me.

All The Pretty Horses

i knew you once rather quite well
and as such things go, well, we fell
learning life is not always fairytale.

sometimes we are left all alone,
or find ourselves so far from home,
a price for a spirit that roams.

hope that your dreams never die,
that you see them in your child's eye,
because we were all meant for the sky.

all the pretty horses,
even if our dreams have not come true,
all the pretty horses for you.

it does not matter where you are,
what you've done, or gone too far,
as long as you follow your star.

we cannot recapture the past,
make it better, or make it last,
even if it was all over way too fast.

just enjoy the good times gone
and once again when they next come,
give this love to some other one.

all the pretty horses,
even if our dreams will not come true,
all the pretty horses for you.

one day we will all realize,
all we wanted had all been lies,
the answers always right before our eyes.

we will all lose people,
for them there could never be equals,
just hold on to all that was meaningful.

may your voice always be able to sing,
broken hearts forever have wings,
take this one last thing...

all the pretty horses,
all our dreams will come true,
and all the pretty horses will be for you.

With Eyes That Have Forever Become Closed

this is my curse
for what its worth
i hope it hurts

you might think you got away clean
beware what these words say and mean
may you end up all alone and unseen

this is my curse
not my last or my first
it only gets much worse

for every time these words are read
it only adds power to all that is said
a vow to destroy your very heart and head

this is my curse

may your sleeping eyes
open to a world of lies
fearing the coming of night

dearth in verse

allow your heart to slowly die
abandon all hope no need to try
still alive but without a real life

enter the hearse

welcome to your living funeral
a place where only the lost go
attacked by your very own shadow

call in the nurse

but there is no hospital
that treats pain to the soul
with eyes that have forever become closed

this is my curse

help me break it
i can't take it
and i made it

Blessed Teresa of the World

sister terry,
don't you worry,
the world won't always be this scary,
you won't always have to worry.

love and heartache catch us all.
your heart was much too pure
after all.
did he break your heart this bad?
sometimes we lose what we thought we had.

sister terry,
don't you worry,
for this pain you constantly carry,
you won't always have to worry.

once again to your knees you fall.
between your fingers
a rosary falls.
you cry for the world, you feel its pain,
you sing this litany again and again.

but in the end we all fall.
but in the end we all fall, again and again.