A True Romance

i flicked my last cigarette today
take deep breaths (do not forget to exhale)
we all picked our parts for this play
denial says all is well that ends well

situations remain unresolved
we know better even if we settle on the routine
hello, i am so glad you called
k goodbye, but secretly i want to say other things

i have written them on paper
small things i like but mostly that i love you
i'll shred this all up later
every promise made and every heart i ever drew

the true romance is in my head
wonderful scenes where you are the star
where such pretty things are said
the true romance seems so very, very far

jesus died to save the world
i just want to die to save myself
all twisted with my heart swirl
you won't read this my call for help

i never knew a place could be so dark
as the one i have found myself within
i would not wish this on the darkest heart
utterly destroyed (my very own dresden or berlin)

remember when you told me
you wanted to get to truly know me
you might not know but you saved me
i love the light within you baby

the true romance is in my head
wonderful scenes where you are the star
where such pretty things are said
the true romance after all these years is finally ours

Your Dying Wish

dear diary

this is all rather ordinary
boy meets girl she rocks his world
fast forward a few months later

it ended it would have eventually
boy moved way too fast she moved on past
so he decided he would just take her

when had this love become so necessary?
infecting my thoughts, i am so caught
between loving and hating so please make it stop

i want more than your body
i need your soul
i want more than consent
i need control

boy drowns in misery where he can't be seen
a killer in the background wearing a mask
in the final scene of a tragic scream queen

now she is tied up in my closet
oh god
i think i have finally lost it

you have seven seconds to marry me
before a bullet ends the romance
in the hereafter you will see

we were meant to be,
your dying wish

My Existential Crisis

Something is missing within me,
I'm on a quest to find myself.
A different dimension or another world?
Am I human or something else?
Either way I never quite fit in,
Contrary to all outward appearances.
No one has ever known the true me,
Relationships a minor coincidence.

I know there is a me on the other side,
So just like me but also very happy.
Can we cross the stars through suicide?
To our happy selves on the other side? (Of this galaxy?)
And as I sit and observe my other self,
Realization setting in while reflecting within,
My so called life has taken all my mental health,
So is it suicide to kill myself after I've already died?

Now I find myself all alone once again
Never learned to be a good friend,
Mostly to my self my own worst enemy,
But we can all be winners only if we all pretend.
Happiness never could be bought in a latest model
And chemicals will only serve to starve the soul,
So return to sender now that I'm dead! (Where shall i go?)
Angels if you fly in your wings envelop and enfold.

Angels if you fly in this land
take me in your wings
envelop and enfold me.

All The Pretty Horses

i knew you once rather quite well
and as such things go, well, we fell
learning life is not always fairytale.

sometimes we are left all alone,
or find ourselves so far from home,
a price for a spirit that roams.

hope that your dreams never die,
that you see them in your child's eye,
because we were all meant for the sky.

all the pretty horses,
even if our dreams have not come true,
all the pretty horses for you.

it does not matter where you are,
what you've done, or gone too far,
as long as you follow your star.

we cannot recapture the past,
make it better, or make it last,
even if it was all over way too fast.

just enjoy the good times gone
and once again when they next come,
give this love to some other one.

all the pretty horses,
even if our dreams will not come true,
all the pretty horses for you.

one day we will all realize,
all we wanted had all been lies,
the answers always right before our eyes.

we will all lose people,
for them there could never be equals,
just hold on to all that was meaningful.

may your voice always be able to sing,
broken hearts forever have wings,
take this one last thing...

all the pretty horses,
all our dreams will come true,
and all the pretty horses will be for you.

With Eyes That Have Forever Become Closed

this is my curse
for what its worth
i hope it hurts

you might think you got away clean
beware what these words say and mean
may you end up all alone and unseen

this is my curse
not my last or my first
it only gets much worse

for every time these words are read
it only adds power to all that is said
a vow to destroy your very heart and head

this is my curse

may your sleeping eyes
open to a world of lies
fearing the coming of night

dearth in verse

allow your heart to slowly die
abandon all hope no need to try
still alive but without a real life

enter the hearse

welcome to your living funeral
a place where only the lost go
attacked by your very own shadow

call in the nurse

but there is no hospital
that treats pain to the soul
with eyes that have forever become closed

this is my curse

help me break it
i can't take it
and i made it

Blessed Teresa of the World

sister terry,
don't you worry,
the world won't always be this scary,
you won't always have to worry.

love and heartache catch us all.
your heart was much too pure
after all.
did he break your heart this bad?
sometimes we lose what we thought we had.

sister terry,
don't you worry,
for this pain you constantly carry,
you won't always have to worry.

once again to your knees you fall.
between your fingers
a rosary falls.
you cry for the world, you feel its pain,
you sing this litany again and again.

but in the end we all fall.
but in the end we all fall, again and again.

Just Another MySpace Suicide

i knew this girl that died
no one listened when she cried
how many times before had she tried?
just another myspace suicide

you say no one loves you or understands
you know that we love you
we are your biggest fans
so please do not die for you will be missed
from my friends list

your other friends are all fake
your family does not really care
we understand the hate and heartbreak
we understand the despair how it's all unfair

today you are having such a bad time
in your mind it's already rehearsed
so turn on your cam and come online
to die for us we are on your side
just another myspace suicide

Will I Find Myself? I Do Not Know.

if you must...take it all away!
just leave to me my pencils and my ink.
trying to find myself within lines,
dying, losing my mind, trying not to think.

butterflies spilling out
of my pencil...fluttering to the floor.
leaving a sharp point
but my head is as dull as it was before.

i try on many faces
as if capturing the right feeling
will somehow...be my muse.
looking back at myself from the ceiling.

it's not what we lost
but more of what we never had.
writing every letter but still empty-headed,
so it's stabbity, stab...stab, stab.

The body is a shell disintegrated upon spiritual ascension

They say the road to hell
is paved with good intentions
is traveled quite well

Some of what preachers tell
is the devil's invention
they say the road to hell

Some have lies for sale
religion as a profession
is traveled quite well

The peal of a church bell
a confession to mention
they say the road to hell

Some on the roadside fell
without paying much attention
is traveled quite well

Some believe it is all fairytale
it is outside their comprehension
they say the road to hell
is traveled quite well

Heart of the Beast

I once walked through the night
and took all it had to give

I took my final vows
and now I'll forever live

I once walked through the stars
and came upon a dying beast

It asked for a bit of my life
whatever I could give even the least

So I gave her my heart
and traveled on my way

Now I can't feel anything
I'll never forget that day

Until one night at the grave
she appeared to me again

How beautiful she was
perfect and she promised to mend

My broken heart this day
I asked how she could

Without losing hers
I didn't think I should

She promised to make
me and her one together

Now we both feel the same
we will forever

The Nephilim

We are the lesser lights
the fallen and vainglory
come with to all the sights
gleaming towers multistoried
watching you since time began
watching you until the end
yet the end will not come
until the war is fought again
oh my god, the death of angels
turn away from this wicked sight
with you on our side we cannot fail!

Understand us...the damned.

You know you have survived a thousand times before
not even the cat wishes to die nine times
sometimes we live and die just to know whats its all for
so that when we then see the same signs
In another and if they decided to turn to us
we can truly understand
understand us
the damned

Pretty Parks

Right before the fire we danced in the dark
Drunk with the Babel of the gods in our heads
Then we burnt the forest to make pretty parks
Writing down what God said with pretty marks
God no longer spoke so some said God must be dead

Right before the fire we danced in the dark
And I feared for that very first spark
Knowing it would be the beginning of bloodshed
Then we burnt the forest to make pretty parks
Laughing at Noah for building an ark
Some did not listen so some ended up dead

Right before the fire we danced in the dark
Ignoring the ills within world and heart
‘Til they drop the bomb ‘til we all have bled
Then we burnt the forest to make pretty parks
Living in an age of post nuclear dark
You are the last one I wanted dead

Right before the fire we danced in the dark
Then we burnt the forest to make pretty parks

Your Patron Trepidation

what lies behind false smiles
is something vile
i am who they call trial

i am tribulation
the image of abomination
your patron trepidation

i am the passing shadow
in the corner of your eye
i am there when you die

conceal your soul, fear pervades
your spirit i prey and enervate
i am the dread as you contemplate

i am the adversaries thoughts of malign
the reasons you look behind
your encounter with terror vespertine

i am fright manifested
the key to the darkest gate
I AM DEATH AND I AWAIT!

Little Crosses on the Side of the Road

the afterlife is our setting
an eternal white wedding
little crosses on the side of the road
let's leave this world, pretty please let's go

like the air we breath is never enough
and the sky we see is all tragic and dust
the place we met is no longer there
they killed the mall so let's say a prayer

take a second look in the rear view mirror
a scene of an accident on the side of the road
look closer it is your own car that is involved
and the car that you are in all around you dissolves

i would have committed suicide long ago
but cowards fear what they do not know
and there is no light at the end of the tunnel
just the darkness but i have learned to let go

This Love Incomplete

If you never want to get hurt
Then never fall in love with me
No, do not love me at all
For the dead do not love
And what is within died long ago
So loving you, I do not know

There is no resurrection
For those in the sickness
Just the sadness of crucifixion
The loneliness of addiction
The fate of the first thief
So strange this love incomplete...

An Upside Down Castle In The Sky

if the stars glitter my name
it is because you have put it there
and i await your element
my princess so fair of sky and air
we have met time and again
in those other worlds before
and will meet forevermore
for ours is such a strong lore
lost in a thousand darknesses
connected by silky strands of light
told in stories that become myths
over a thousand fires so bright

through a dark desert you walk
by moon, star, and candlelight
wind tossed hair without world's care
heart so dark and dress so white
this world forgot your coronet
but true nobility is found within
the stars secret shatters self deception
all revealed at world's illumination
a thousand romances all at once
some so sudden some as old as time
but the cards all read the same
and in the candle flame you will find...

My Reluctant Heart

has it all come down to this?
when was the last time i knew bliss?
was it sometime while reading that book?
when my character stopped to take a second look?

the story unfolds but the script i have written
and things unsaid do not really remain hidden
somewhere in this winter is a fire that died
i tried to keep it going oh i really tried

how to love another i think i simply forgot
more than that maybe i just never knew
my heart of shadow some say i am simply lost
i try to love but love knows me not

still i will find my way back to you
for even the blind beggar has a cup and a staff
so when every constellation falls leaving the sky darkest blue
just look to the ground and the stars will form a shining path

Magier Kind (Child Mage)

Taking a flower twirling it within his grasp
placing it close to take in the scent
Reminded him of something so special and sweet
as he softly went to touch a petal was bent
She loves me, she loves me not...
continuing till the flower was finally spent

With a sigh he tossed the naked stem
and watched the breeze take away the rest
With a smile he said his secret to the air
and let it carry it to the east and the west
Committing his love to the four winds
knowing it would reach her and softly caress

Then with great care he touched pen to paper
and letter after letter her name did he spell
Closed his eyes saying a tiny, small prayer
then drew a crooked heart as his own did swell
Finally burning it on a candle's bright flame
this was the end of his three love spells

Gypsy Elegy

The hands of a child reaching out for help
something small for sale that fit in a palm
I think it was hope shaped like a small trinket
and eyes looked beyond into the sea so calm

Dark skies and waves can sometimes deceive
tip toes and shivers and giggles on the beach
But the sea has claim on those whom it desires
regardless of protests said in panic driven speech

Now hands of care pulled two to safety
may they live and love twice as much and grow old
And know all the joys of the two the sea claimed
and only returned with bodies peaceful yet so cold

And a loving gesture has never been no more true
than the beach blankets given to form simple shrouds
And the sea breeze kissed them and said its farewell
in elegy as several crossed themselves in the crowd

I wish I knew their secret language
to say a prayer in their tongue
And whatever song their mother softly sung
may it never be forgotten and one day again be sung

Our Own Religion

You were the goddess
the huntress of my heart
I was the simple hunter
whom your arrow did part
We had a secret language
and rituals all our own
It was a simple magic
we shared when all alone
Our spirits would meet
in the land of the faerie
Under a silver moon
we said vows and married

Then the darkness came
the stars refused to shine
Shattered dreams like glass
our very own end times
And what a rapture sweet
the first time we kissed
Even if our tongues lied
they never ever fell amiss
Drawn to one another
from distant ocean shores
Like two ships passing
leaving the sea like before

My Written Lie

i am the sad pen
who won't be picked up again
but maybe then
every now and again
i will write a word or two
kiss the page inky blue
with a thought of you
a letter or two untrue

i am the mad pen
that falls again and again
without stop or end
white lines my only friends
dance and cross i's
dot t's and question why
until its time to say goodbye
my lullaby, my written lie

Hooks Make Hearts

it was like she was dead. she should have not been born.

death came to her on the day she was born. then again a few years later.

it would come for her again and always will because she should not exist.

she was not real at all. i thought she was.

she said everything what i wanted to hear. everything i liked she did too.

i think she is evil sort of
she acted so nice and very compatible
like everything i was interested in she was too
but there was a stubborn streak about her
like a jagged edge to a perfect piece of art that you know makes it all a counterfeit
i think she just told me all i wanted to hear
but it was not really her i feel like i don't really know her at all

hooks make hearts

Sweet Sixteen

sweet sixteen
too bad you will not know what it means
my heart
you would have been so scene
jagged line
your hair styled just so
i miss you
just so you will always know
this life
is not the same without we
these years
and the loss of so many memories
this flame
lighting one more this year again
sixteen candles
will burn slowly now without end

Requiem Éternellement

in a digital world
i still work in a bit of an analog way
when i say hello
there is so much more that i want to say
feelings within
and how i see poetry in the universe
tiny things
the kind that all fit in a little hearse

i listen to grey's anatomy songs
but i never watch the show
i wonder if you listen too, or would you?
i guess i'll never know
and would you sing along with me
or when you are all alone?
these little lyrics form a requiem
my feelings on a gravestone

The Tragedy of War...and the Memory of a Rose

The tragedy of war...

it feels like one of life's greatest tragedies
i can say this since it's been two years
will i carry it within me for the rest of my life?
this inability to escape the memory of you
it makes no difference if i give in or fight
cowards and warriors cannot hide or win
the battle continues long after the war
and the miracle of it all is i have survived

...and the memory of a rose

there is a locket i wear all the time
yet there is no precious metal or picture of you
the memories of loss are the thorns of my heart
and thorns never made the flower less true
beautiful to the eye if not to the touch
yet every so often i hold on just so
and even if memories are not really you
i find it so hard to try and let go

The Visitors: A Sonnet

we visit graveyards to honor the dead
hearts and flowers crumble, falling below
softly touched headstones and prayers are said
silent remembrance for those long ago

our fingers trace name and years from the past
calling to memories and stories once told
their words are only heard by the green grass
making us ourselves fear for growing old

so we dance and laugh breaking into song
adding up dates impressed by the strong last
sorrowing for those who could not live long
mixed feelings for a couple whose years matched

then we depart like the leaves the winds stir
leaving nothing except for how they were

Constellations

Lady Di hangs by a star or two
nocturnal animals with hands ready to catch
They stare into the sky and cry for you
and run away when the gods begin to clash

The stag, the bear, the night owl too
they run to Arcadia, they follow the path

Who will he appear as the beast or Callisto?
the child a king who will rule many nations.
But first must defeat the one in the crystal
his mother's father the wolf in translation

In the very end the gods make us all fools
for even when they fade away we're left in fascination

Witchsong & The Shadowen Mother

Witchsong

it was the witching hour
between midnight and sunrise
dark ones have their most power
opposite the hour that christ died

she was singing sweetly outside
voice lulling carried by wind
her song one of years gone by
not heard around these parts in

no one sings no more!
especially this time of night
a happy song but who for?
just for her and the moonlight?

something though was not right
i looked out the window
half expecting a fright
but no one knows which way the witch goes

i saw her once as a child
face serene then oh so vile!

The Shadowen Mother

It is a masquerade ball
Outside my window
A party for one
'Or is it two my child?'

'Fear me' she said!
And took off her mask
The face of the dead
Of ten thousand pasts

Castle & Class

i.

it was just as it became night
she looked deep not trusting her sight
a carriage drew near alright
the driver not seen in the dim light
horses stopped their galloping pace
she held her breath frozen in place
the coach stopped as her heart began to race
the door slowly opened then she saw his face

quite handsome she thought with eyes steeled grey
his clothes reminded her of the olden day
she opened her mouth quite not sure what to say
he simply smiled with a 'greetings milady'
'it's much to dark out would you like to ride?'
she looked around no longer in city but countryside
not believing what she's seeing with eyes open wide
'do not fret my darling please step inside'

soon as she did and looked out the carriage window
she saw herself still walking alone down the road

ii.

spirited away taken by the faerie
little by little she started to worry
even so things were not all that scary
indeed her eyes became glossy and starry
and soon enough they came to the gates
greeted by guards and ladies in wait
walking past tables set with golden plates
she started to wonder 'where is this strange place?'

rushed into a chamber they said was always hers
a four poster canopy bed and a kitten that purred
they painted her body and face in red ochre
dressed her in silks becoming a vision of mesmer
'do not stare too long into the pool' a tiny voice said
a small coronet was then placed on her head
a claddagh on her finger the heart so, so red
then down a hall a statue in her image bled

marriage vows exchanged during a storm
the tears did not cease and a banshee was born

Not completed

I have ended all my rituals
that hinted at your memory
Like funerals for old souls
the last time you came to me

The End of All That We Know

Tonight is the first night for the end of our nation. Lights we follow in the sky, knowing that some are ours. Hearts break when those lights no longer float.

We run from the southern sky to look towards the north. We know those lights are ours as they fall from the heights. The end of all that we know in a matter of seconds.

Outside they creep in jeeps leaving me to wonder how are they on the street so soon? Like all wars of course this one was decided by others and they have decided we should lose.

So we have lost
We have lost this one
We have lost this one too.

Between Two Fools

words shared between old friends
looks passed between past lovers
awkward moments where he pretends
his heart has forgotten hers

like a card game he used to play
but can no longer remember the rules
he says goodbye, she goes on her way
closes his eyes as his heart pulls

love can no longer save the day
in a conversation between two fools

stumbling through sunlit days
her face still appears in dreams
and even in them she seems to say
wait a while, all is not as it seems

years pass but he never forgets
a love once shared long ago
grayed with age and many regrets
setting them aside pulling her close

love will always save the day
in a conversation between two fools

Elaine of Astolat & the Old Men of Kathmandu

they say a witch lives in the mountain
where old men visit a wishing fountain
once every one hundred years she appears
soothing, calming, taking away our fears

they pack their cares neatly in sacks
next to their diaries written in facts
with wishes like to be young once again
to take the hand of the lovely lady Elaine

ancients remember and you should as well
the time of casted spells when angels fell
she died in flight the sky island queen
her face someone said so lovely and serene

will they say the same of us i wonder?
in our coffins refusing to simply go under
will we be afraid to come down mountainsides?
to kneel beside the beautiful bride who died

pressing one careful finger to our lips
whispering prayers from some forgotten script
we all continued making the sign of the cross
as the whole court began mourning the loss

of our lovely lady, the lady of Shalott

Vera Zasulich & Mariia Benevskaia

a tale of two sisters so in love with life
open the book and cast your eyes
with a rested head do not fret
for with a smile by nice or vice
she will tell such pretty lies

coming to visit with a rose in hand
and in the other a gun behind her back
she was quite clever in her thought
very clever indeed to fire but one shot
missing his heart still fading to black

she became a terrorist not to kill
but to give her life in sacrifice
she slapped his hand before his try
taking his gun so he could not strike
this is how to give and not take a life

falling heads, tears, and to her knees
she begged the crowd 'shoot me please'
dropping rose, gun, and to the ground
fingers clutching close to a cross charm
we quietly concede not all is heroic deed

Overcast

it's times like this i lose my sense of being
when the world is all gray, dark skies and memories
of you are never so clear as they are when
i cannot decide between quiet reflection
or streaming tears when the sky refuses to rain
so neither will my face now become stained

oh it's been a while since i lost a fight
ya things are alright, life is alright
things go on if not the same without you
a smile on my face and that will have to do
hello, how are you? i guess i have to go
as the city passes by as i look out my window

it's times like this i lose my sense of being
the world keeps passing as i sit seeing
it's not like i can simply call to your cell
i do wonder what all you would have to tell
we once were able to talk for hours
but summer always ends with withering flowers

closer now driving down the interstate
listening to that same song i always play
would you sing along if you knew it?
your voice carries slowly fading away
hello, how are you? i guess i have to go
a practiced smile in the rear-view mirror